It’s not my business what you think of me.

[00:00:26] Speaker A: Hey. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Hey, friends. I'm so excited for this episode with my Girl, Kendall Rabowski. We talked all things mom, life, career choices, fitness, with a heavy focus on doing things that just make you happy, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it. Kendall went from teacher to business owner and leveled up her life ten X in the last three years and has so much to say about leaving excuses behind to get the most out of life. Enjoy. Kendall, I'm so excited that you're here. [00:00:56] Speaker A: Yay. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. [00:00:58] Speaker B: Thanks for giving me your afternoon. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Of course. [00:01:01] Speaker B: So I really wanted to talk to you because I have been inspired by watching you kind of really put your life out there as far as what's important to you as an individual, as well as celebrating your family, your spouse, and all of these other things. But I think for me, as a new mom, watching another mom prioritize her needs, her goals, and put it out there has been a lot of fun to watch. So I'm excited to get to know you a little bit better and kind of run through what makes Kendall go. [00:01:39] Speaker A: All right, let's do it. [00:01:41] Speaker B: So I want to talk a little bit about your career background first. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Because that's the first time I really was exposed to you making kind of a big change that you put out there on social media. So why don't you tell me a little bit about kind of early career, out of college choices and why it led to where you are now and kind of walk me through your timeline. [00:02:07] Speaker A: Okay. So in school and college, I was thinking I wanted to be a child psychologist. Like, I wanted to help kids in some capacity. And then all of a sudden, I was like, you know what? Actually helping kids, I should do marriage counseling because who effs up kids are their parents, right? So my parents got divorced when I was really young. I was two, so I don't remember that. But then after that, they each got married and divorced multiple times. So I would say that is just, like, what I know. And I wanted to help kids, right? So at the time, and this is so against everything I believe in now, but at the time, I was, like, doing math in my head, I'm like, oh, my gosh, by the time I finished getting that and doing my practition hours and all these things, I'm going to be 34. By 34, I should be married and have whatever, right? So I was like, okay, what can I do to still help kids but not spend 7000 years in school and 7000 hours after that to get your license. So I was like, I should be a teacher. I can be with those kids more than their parents can. And I'm probably then going to be able to help kids that really need help, because kids who do need help, you have to have nice parents bring you to a therapist, right? I'm going to get the kids that are not getting fed dinner because they have to come to school because it's against the law for them not to. So anyway, went into teaching. I love teaching still to this day. I was so lucky. I got to teach first grade, and that's such a great age. And then during COVID when school shut down, we were having Zoom conversations with these kids and it was, like, heartbreaking because I was like, this is wrong. We need to be in the classroom. I was like, on every Zoom meeting with my staff, being like, this, open the schools, right? Didn't happen. I just feel like that changed me a lot. I was kind of like, okay, if this is teaching, I'm not a teacher. So at that time, I had started a part time side hustle, if you want to call it, of interior design. And it actually, in a way, made it so I could spend more time on that because I was home. Granted, I was drowning because I had both my kids. My husband was gone, all this stuff. But when schools reopened and we went back, I got to have a conversation with my husband of, like, do I stop this and jump into interior design full time? I can be in charge of my schedule. I can be in charge of who I work with. I can be in charge of everything. And I've never had that before. I was a slave to the bell, right? Like, you show up at school at this time, lunch is at this time. So now you can always go back, right? So I was like, I'll try this, and if it doesn't work, I hate when people are like, oh, failure. Are you scared of failure? If it just doesn't work, then you go back to teaching. Like, no harm, no foul, but it's great. It's changed so many parts of my life and helped me realize things that I didn't even. When you're in something for so long, you don't even realize the things that are happening around you. And it made me so cognizant of my community and who I am around now on purpose because I still run into people sometimes, and right away when they start talking to me, it's so weird. It's like I feel this energy system in my body. This is going to sound psycho, but I feel like a ping of ickiness. I'm like, oh, my gosh, you're already complaining. Oh, my gosh, you're already a victim. Listen, teachers are God's gifts. They are great. But it naturally you're in your classroom alone all day. Like, yes, you have the kids, but you have no adult feedback and no adult person telling you like, no, that's wrong. Granted, also, teachers are not getting paid. We all know that they're not getting paid what they should. So by nature, you kind of develop like a callous against, like, I'm doing all this amazing work every day, one no one's seeing besides these six year olds. So you're never even getting like a pat on the back that you would normally get like, damn, Chelsea, you just kicked ass in that litigation. Like, great job. You're never getting that. Which is fine. You should clap for yourself. But I don't know. Anyway, the negativity that I didn't even know was a thing until I left has been so wild, and that alone has been like a breath of fresh air. Again, nothing against teachers. Let me be very clear. And I'm going to actually probably have so many people mad that I'm saying this about teachers. Only teachers are going to be mad. And I get it. You can come at me, but it's the truth. Not for all, never all, but a lot. It's just the culture. [00:07:11] Speaker B: Yeah. And I don't think you're generalizing about all teachers in general. I think it comes off very clear that this is your experience and this is what you realized stepping away. So, I mean, that's how I'm sitting here listening, taking it. I don't think that being in that type of environment, knowing that they're bottling all these outside things they can't control. And some people thrive in it, I'm sure, and some people don't. And so I'm only taking it as your experience and what ultimately you were able to look back and see was impacting you once you were outside of it. So that's how I'm taking it. [00:07:52] Speaker A: Yeah, well, yeah, that was my change. So now I do interior design full time. It's great because I'm in charge of my schedule and I have two amazing girls that work with me. We get to make connections with our clients, so it's great. [00:08:09] Speaker B: What have you experienced in the last, let's say, three years that you don't think you would have been able to had you stayed teaching? [00:08:23] Speaker A: I won't say everything because I don't like, these always comments, right? But a lot. I think making that choice started with betting on yourself and not the way you frame a shift. Right? If we can learn anything from Beyonce, it's like you can reinvent yourself at any day, anytime. And it is okay. Why is there shame tomorrow? If I said I want to go be like a bean farmer, I better have my crew being like, fuck yeah, you're going to make the best beans ever. Why is there any shade or negativity on changing your path, especially if it brings you joy, if it's keeping you happy and healthy, who cares? Anyway, so how has that impacted me? Giving me time that I can schedule and to still take care of my kids and family in the way that I need, but then also schedule that time and make that time for myself because I just didn't used to. [00:09:29] Speaker B: Right? [00:09:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:31] Speaker B: And so let's talk about your family a little bit. You have two beautiful children. Why don't you tell me a little bit about them? [00:09:36] Speaker A: Almost five, which is crazy. And my daughter just turned seven, so first grade in preschool. My husband, who, you know, that's how I know you. And, yeah, we're pretty basic. I don't know, I feel like you get in life, like everything happens for a reason, right? And I think it's funny because I don't know, and you could tell me. I don't really go ask people what their opinion of me is because I feel like it's not my business to care what you think about me. But I would assume that the perception is you're going to create these kids that are like, don't let anyone talk to you like that. When you're feeling weak, you go out, like, you go do this, blah, blah, blah. But it's funny because my kids are so shy and so scared to do any new activity. They are very quiet. So I feel like you get what you need. So I'm trying to meet that. I mean, trust me, I've gone through lots of different routes and approaches. Like, you get on that soccer field right now or to, I don't care, whatever. I don't care. And so it's interesting, my kids are teaching me something new every day. [00:10:56] Speaker B: Do you think their personalities mirror more traits of your husband or more traits of you that either you had as a child but maybe you don't hold now, where do you think it all comes from? [00:11:09] Speaker A: We joke that my son is my husband. Very quiet, goes with the flow, is nice to everyone, just like a sweet little muffin. And that's very much my husband and my son used to not say any words. And my mother in law's like, yeah, neither did Billy. Like, what are you talking about? He didn't talk ever. Still, to this day, I'm like, oh, my gosh. You just talked to me at dinner. Let's go. Keep it going. [00:11:36] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:11:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And my daughter is, when it's just us, she's me in a stubborn form and stubborn. And I look at it like two ways. Like, half the time when she does something in my mind, I want to fist bump her and be like, yeah, girl, you stand up for yourself. But I'm like, can you wait until you're 18? Don't do it now. So I'll just turn to Billy, and I'm like, you're on. I'm out. Because her and I can't battle my. I'm never going to win against myself, if that makes sense. So she says something, and again, I'm like, that was a good oNe. I should have thought about that. But I can't go back. We'll go back and forth until one of us is in the grave. So it's already starting. She's seven. It's wild. I was the only child, so I feel like only children, you're kind of like, don't know where you fit. You don't have any peers. Kind of telling you of siblings will be like, go brush your hair. You look awful. You can't go to soccer like that. [00:12:37] Speaker B: Yeah, they'll check you. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Yeah. And I never had that, so I think I was quiet. [00:12:44] Speaker B: I have one daughter, she's 18 months, and we're not having any more children. So she's going to be an older only child. And so it's always interesting to talk to different people who have different experiences being an only child and have multiple children of their own because they see those things in their children that they didn't experience. So I'm the youngest of three, my husband's the youngest of three. And then we have the one. And so we have the sibling perception in the same way. And we sit here and go, she'll be fine. She'll find friends, she'll make friends. She has cousins. But it's funny that you pointed that out because I definitely think talking to people that I know, it does make a difference. Watching your children grow up, whether you were a sibling or an only child. I've seen it impact at least friends that I've spoken to. So it was interesting that you brought that up. I don't know any different and she's just going to have to figure it out. [00:13:43] Speaker A: Yeah, well, the way that they like the physical, my daughter, granted, she's the older one, but she'll just check my son, like, body check him just into the wall. And I'm like, damn, girl. And then he just bounces up and moves on. I'm like, okay, so that's how you just learn that. If someone would have done that to me, like, growing up, I would have been probably a mess. I would have been like, oh, my God, this kid just rammed me into a wall, and I fell down, and it would have been this whole situation, and he instead just gets up and moves on. What a great life skill. [00:14:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I was reading an article. I don't know where it was. Must have been a couple of days ago. Talking about rough play is so important for young kids, and so many people shy away from it because they don't want kids to either take it on as being violent or anything like that. But it doesn't actually have that same effect. It's more body understanding, like boundary understanding what kids will and will not let you do. But rough play is actually one of those things that can impact that. I had no idea. I wouldn't have known. It's not like I investigated all this before. You actually become a parent, you wait until you're in real time trying to figure it out. [00:15:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I remember my mom actually telling me. She told me one time, like, oh, she took me to a child therapist one time after one of her divorces, right. And was like, I just wanted to make sure you weren't. There was nothing you needed to tell this person. Anyway. I was like, so. And what'd they say? And she's like, basically the lady just said, just rough house with her a little bit more. I was like, that's a weird diagnosis, or whatever. And they're like, yeah, she doesn't have a sibling to talk to about anything that is happening in the house or whatever. Let her express or do whatever that way. I don't know. [00:15:38] Speaker B: Interesting. [00:15:39] Speaker A: Yeah, interesting. Maybe there's something behind that. [00:15:41] Speaker B: Yeah. So if you could summarize, maybe a couple family values that you and your husband have tried to instill for your children, for your family, not anyone else's family, but for the four of you, what are some of the values that you put some emphasis on? [00:16:01] Speaker A: I think that the idea that if something's hard. Yes. It should be kind of like, okay, duh. When my daughter's like, this math problem is hard, we're like, and get used to that everything should be hard. If it's not hard, you're not challenging yourself, right? The idea of comfort is weird to me. Why does everyone want to is so stressed about feeling comfortable? So we try really hard about that. Like, yeah, it's hard. And now learn how to ask for help to get to what you need. So that's one other values we do try and spend time together. It's kind of weird to say that out loud because my husband, if anyone know he works all the time, he works like a normal person. What I would consider he's out by 630 in the morning after his workout and he's home. Usually if he can pick up a kid at like five or be present for maybe once a week of a kid activity during the week at five, it's like, holy cow. Thanks, babe, for being there. But he loves work and that is something that makes him feel really, I think, accomplished and great. That's been a shift for me probably like the last six or so since my daughter was born. I think at the beginning, again, I feel like I allowed almost a victim mentality before. And again, I don't want to say because I was a teacher, but no one was telling me like, shut up, that's wrong, you're wrong. Stop letting life happen to you and create something. Make the life that you want. So before, my whole point of saying that is before I'd be like, you're not home from work yet, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I'm like, no, he loves it. It's like his community. He likes to help people. He likes to be in charge of something. That's his zone. So anyway, my point is, he's gone a lot, but when he's not, we do try and spend a lot of time together as a family doing things. So that's another value. What else? That's kind of a hard question. Obviously, like normal things, right? Like being kind to everyone. I'd rather have my kids be kind and help people than learn math and academic things, to be quite honest. Because I think we're going to have chat PT, whatever the hell that, like Chat Ai. Yeah. Do all that for us anyway one day. So trying to make sure that they always help people. I would say the last one is not caring at all about what anyone thinks. As long as you are okay with either how you look, how you decided to be, how you feel, and take away the idea of like, well, I guess I shouldn't. I don't know. In my head I was just thinKing, who cares? How you make someone feel. I guess I never think that kids or people should be in charge of other people's emotions. That's more what I'm trying to say. Even when I'm talking to my husband, he's like, you're making me. And I'm like, pause for a second. I can't make you anything. You are allowing yourself to feel a certain way based off what I am doing. I'm happy to work on changing that, but I can't make you anything. You can't make me something like, you can't make me feel less than unless I allow you to. You can't make me feel insecure unless I am feeling insecure. Anyway, with my kids. Actually, there's a crazy story. So, like, two weeks ago, my daughter's very, like I said, shy, and she doesn't complain a lot about other kids to me, which, again, I'm down for don't be a tattletale. Deal with it first, and then I can help after you've talked to, like, you've tried to work it out. But I get an email from the teacher, and it was very vague, and it said, like, someone in class today said something very inappropriate and hurtful to your daughter. I talked to her. I talked to the boy if you want to talk to her about it. But I just wanted to let you know. So I'm actually like, in the car. Shouldn't have been looking at my phone, but I'm like, hey, girl, what happened at school? Someone said something to you, and she's like, don't want to talk about it. I'm like, I understand you don't want to talk about it, but I just want to hear what it was that was said to you, just out of curiosity. Basically, it was like, a very mean thing about her appearance. I'm so happy that the teacher took care of it and all that. And I was like, as I'm driving, I'm trying not to overreact because I wanted to be like, well, yeah, screw him, blah, blah, blah. But I was like, okay, and how did that make you feel? And she's like, she just kind of said, like, I don't know, brush it off. I'm sure she didn't really know how to vocalize how it really made her feel, but I gave her the example of, like, if I looked at you and I Said, you have really ugly purple hair, what would you say to me? And she's like, I don't have purple hair. I'm like, yeah, so if someone says, blah, blah, blah to you. The only way it would affect you is if you believe it in any way. Otherwise, it should be as simple as, I don't have purple hair, right? Like, if this kid is like, oh, you're so fat, which is so disgusting, it hurts me to even say just because it's so, what a horrible. But anyway, I'm looking at her, I'm like, if you don't believe it about yourself, it shouldn't affect you. So that's kind of like what I would say, a pillar for a long way to answer, what is something that we believe in? I have that conversation a lot with Billy of, I can't make you feel anything. And we try and tell our kids a lot of, like, if you feel okay leaving the house in this condition, like, with your hair maybe not perfectly brushed or whatever, that's not me. I can take a step back and be like, okay, then. Your pony is a little crooked today and doesn't look like you brush it that well, even though I saw you brush it and I helped you brush it, but that's on you. Great. I'm proud that you can walk around like that and not feel insecure that you don't have these perfect pigtail braids, whatever the hell it is. Anyway, long way to answer that question. [00:22:51] Speaker B: I think there was a lot there that is important to reflect at any age. It's so important for little children not to get so caught up in what other people are saying, but it's also so important for us right now. I had a similar conversation with my husband because I'm still in the early stages of balancing myself as a mom and my career and as a wife and all of the things I think I am individually. Right. And I know I'm insecure about some parenting stuff. And there can be times where my husband can say things or make a gesture, and it's totally in line with his character. I've known him a very long time, so it's nothing new. And for me, it can be super triggering. [00:23:42] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:42] Speaker B: And I'm trying to be better about letting him know that this triggered me, not because I necessarily want him to change. [00:23:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Just be aware that if I react, I'm working on it, because I'm not there yet. It's very clearly that some of the things he's doing trigger me. And, yes, just like you said, that's my problem. But I at least feel comfortable enough to tell my husband I am insecure about this still right now. I'm working on it. It's not going to be forever, but I need us to work together to figure out how we can build each other up at the same time. Because I need some help here. [00:24:27] Speaker A: Right. [00:24:28] Speaker B: But it's been arguments because I've done exactly what you were saying and told him. Something you did made me feel this way. And from a self reflection point of view, it's been about, for me, I thought it was about him knowing that I feel this way. But at the same time, I'm always still wanting him to change his behavior to make my life easier. I think that's something that a lot of people can do, and it's a hard skill. And so for you to put so much emphasis on that for yourself, for your husband, and for your children at a young age, I think is really going to be empowering not just for your daughter, but for your son as well. Because setting boundaries for yourself and spending time on self reflection, I think is the greatest gift that you can give to yourself. And it's hard some days, and we're not all perfect. There's some days where I feel like I've got it down. I'm comfortable. Say what you want about me, and then there's other days or particular people that I can be a little bit more triggered by. It's hard. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think sitting with yourself in that moment, why does what they just said affect me? Because I was telling you kind of before, I don't know how, but that Instagram picture or a video I made, it's like some video, and somehow it got on. Like, it must have got on the Instagram Discover page or whatever, because I woke up one day and I had just like tons new followers and just comment after comment, basically. Like making comments about essentially, like, the workout I was doing, let's say. And what's so sweet, I had one friend reach out and he was so nice, and he's like, I'm so sorry that these people are saying this. And I'm like, I promise with every iota of my soul, I don't give a flying F. Like, I really don't. And I mean that all these comments, if anything, it makes me feel bad for people that you feel on any capacity that you need to say anything about anyone. First of all, you should never talk about people's bodies. I think unless you're going to say a positive pump up. Why are you even like, who cares? I didn't ask you about my body. Also, to random people on the Internet saying anything negative is just wild to me. I'm like, oh, my God, they're so bored. Come do my laundry, bro. I have so much shit I need help with. Come do something for me if you're this bored. And then it's like remembering anyone doing better than you will never say anything about you. Never. So, like anyone saying anything negative about you, let's say you get wind of it, it should be, oh, shit, they're not doing good. Something's wrong on your end. This is about you again, I don't know, whatever. But it's wild. People are wild. The Internet's wild. [00:27:41] Speaker B: Oh, it's such an interesting place, but the skill is applicable. Like, if you're putting yourself out there, you're either going to be prepared or need to be prepared or going to figure out how that's going to affect you. And this kind of transition to the next thing I want to talk to you about is prioritizing your individual goals and your individual needs. Separate from your role as mother, separate from your role as business owner, and separate from your role as wife. So how do you either on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthly basis, how do you prioritize the things that you need? [00:28:26] Speaker A: Those things, it's just a non negotiable. It has become, and I've said this now, like, five times today, that I don't like saying, like, always, never. But that is one of my always. It has to be every day. It has to. And it is just a non negotiable. And it is how my husband and I essentially end our days with, like, how are we going to make tomorrow? So you have a little section of time, and I have a little section of time, just like, you plan a meal. Would you ever not eat for the day? No, because you need it. You need it to sustain your life. You need it to have energy. You need it to grow. You need it to literally stay alive. We have made it that for us. Even if it's like 30 minutes walk. But no one needs you during that time. No one's touching you during that time. It is just for you. You get to do whatever you want. And it has to involve some kind of, like, movement because the movement has become the critical piece of it. [00:29:28] Speaker B: And before we started, we were talking a little bit about this, about your kind of new chapter when it comes to fitness and personal goals. Tell me how that shift happened and what your goals are for yourself right now. [00:29:45] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. So I basically never really worked out before. I would go to Gold's Gym every once in a while, but I would probably watch what I don't even know what I would do back then, but I'd probably watch it now and be like, that's a cute warm up. Let's go get the real shit out. So what happened was during COVID like I said, I was home with both my kids. My daughter was three, my son was one. I was teaching online. My husband never missed a day of work because he was at the time doing jobs for the city. And the city came in and was like, no, you guys can still show up. So granted, he would come home at, like, 06:00 I would throw dinner on the table for everyone, and I'd be like, peace out. I need to go away. Like, I'm just going to go for a walk. And I remember running away from my house down my street, like, tears running down my face. I was just like, at a point of every day, I was breakdown central. So what was amazing from it is I learned, like, you going and getting this time out for yourself. Like, running is your therapy. It's your time away. It's time for you. And then I slowly learned, like, oh, if I run a little longer, I get a little more time to myself. Oh, if I work harder right now, I come back and I'm, like, on this euphoric high for even longer. So it naturally kind of snowballed into that. And then it became like, okay, I'm going to do this every day. And I would say, the rest is history. Like, as silly as it sounds when people are like, how do I make it something I do all the time? I started with my Apple Watch and I would just sit again. We were home all the time, and I was, like, looking at the calendar on the fitness thing or health of your Apple Watch on your phone, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, when I close all these rings, that looks pretty cool. And then I was like, what if I did this the rest of the week? And then I was like, what if I did this next week? And then I was like, oh, my gosh. How cool would it be to fill up a month? And now I can sit and scroll for, like, ten minutes and see just, like, all these rings closed. And I'm not good if you give me an out on things. So I say that because if you told me I only need you to work out four days a week, I would figure out in the morning how I wasn't going to do it, if that makes sense. I'd be like, I'm a little tired. I'm a little sore. I don't know. This workout doesn't seem it's cold, blah, blah, blah. And I'd be like, no, I'm not going to do it today. I'll do it tomorrow. I know tomorrow is supposed to be my rest day, but I'll just make it. And it would snowball. It would avalanche. So for me to stop the avalanche needs to be an everyday because I would make negotiations with myself and I don't even like saying that because that's so on who I am. To me, if you say it, you're going to do it and you better keep that promise to yourself. Like, I tell it to my friends and workout friends all the time. Like, no, sorry. Last night when you were feeling all big and tough, you said we were going to do this today. And just because you're a little sore now, we don't get to change the workout. Like you said it, we're doing it. But again, for me that had to become an every single day. And yeah, not every day is as hard as other days, but it has just become a non negotiable, just like eating a meal. Like, I wouldn't not eat lunch or dinner or whatever that day. And that has been the changer for me. And that's my biggest suggestion when people are like, I just can't stick with it. I'm like, stop giving yourself outs. Because if, you know, I have the conversation sometimes, like, man, I really don't want to go. I told myself I was going to run a ten K today, but I'm really not feeling running hard for 45 minutes today. But then I think to myself, well, do you want to do it right now or do you want to do it at 09:00 at night on the treadmill? Because it has to get done sometime today. So just do it now and then you just do it. But if I had those conversations of like, it's a maybe I would talk myself out of it. And I think a lot of people do. [00:34:00] Speaker B: I mean, I definitely have been that person for sure. If you don't have those commitments to yourself, then how do you go about your day in any kind of productive fashion? That's kind of my mentality is if I break the commitments to myself, then what's going to prevent me from breaking a commitment to somebody else, to my job, to my employees, to my husband, to my child? So I feel like I have to keep the commitments to myself that I make ahead of time, whatever that looks like for me, just like whatever it looks like for you or somebody else. And I think I don't know if this is female thing, a mom thing, because I did it before I was a mom as well. But I think I do it now, which is put at times I'm going, can I put my needs second to make this a priority? And the second I do that, whatever I chose to make a priority, I'm half assing because I just gave up something for myself to make something else a priority that I shouldn't have. [00:35:08] Speaker A: Right? [00:35:09] Speaker B: Had I just stuck with the commitment I made to myself, that thing would have worked itself out. And so I know that for sure, keeping a schedule, keeping a commitment and not breaking it, even if I feel tired, even if I feel like I would rather be doing anything else. And it doesn't have to be painful or torturous. It's just showing up. If you have to pull back a little bit that day to make sure you're there, that's one thing for me that's been the balance of I am feeling tired, sore, but I'm going to go show up. And if I need to take care of my body by pulling back on one or two things, then that's how I do it. And I feel 1000% better. I show up for my husband better. I show up for my child better. I show up for life a little bit better because I put myself at. [00:35:56] Speaker A: The top of the list, right? I know I'm quote unquote extreme, but how you feel about it doesn't matter. No one asked you how you feel. And that's, I think, going back to when you say, what are some of your family values? I say that to everyone all the time in my house. Everyone hates me for sure in the house. But I'm like, I didn't ask how you feel about getting dressed right now. I just said, get dressed. I didn't ask, are you feeling like going and doing this? Because when you said we were going to do this, we go and do it right. I think society now cares more about how people feel versus facts of things and like, okay, yes, of course, again, we're not going to say everything or be definite in something like that, but most things, it doesn't really like, we don't every day wake up and think about work and be like, I don't feel like going to work today. Okay, feel it. And then you move on. Why can't that be the same with something and with working out? Give yourself ten minutes of movement and usually you've already increased your energy and you're like, okay, I'm ready now. Let's go. I don't know. I don't know. I could go on about that stuff for a long time. I think that's a mental hurdle that people are missing out on that you can do every single day. Anytime. You go to F 45 right here. How many times during your workout are you, like, in your head? It goes through your mind, I can't do this any. I can't do this. And then 1 second later, guess whAt? You're doing it like that little tiny. That over and over and over, your mind becomes so, like you're invincible. I can do fucking anything. I've been here so many times before where I thought I couldn't do this. And guess what? I fucking did it. And not only for one more minute, I did it for like 20 more minutes. I've hit that point where I thought I couldn't take another step, and I took ten. That translates into so many other places of your life that I just wish I could shake people. I wish I could shake me three years ago and every year before and be like, you will naturally become a stronger person. And I don't mean muscles stronger. That's just a wonderful side effect. Cool. No one cares what you look like. Get over it. No one cares. But the mental side, when people are like, oh, my gosh, do you lift? Are you strong? I'm like, you have no idea. But it's not my body that's strong. I have become proud of where I am in a mental place because I feel like there's like an invisible force field of yellow glowing light around me. People don't come in unless I allow it. And I'm proud to be at that point because I wasn't before. [00:38:45] Speaker B: That's huge. I think it's funny that you said even going back to something you could say to yourself three years ago. I think back because I played sports growing up, played sports in high school, all through college, I was an athlete, but I was not an athlete. I played a sport. And I think those things are very different. If I go back to look at high school, when we were doing preseason drills, like all the workouts to get ready for the season, I half asked it. I made excuses because I was not mentally strong enough to do hard shit back then, right? In college, I got better, I got smarter, I got a little wiser, I worked a little harder, and it paid off in the end. Not just individually, but my team and where we were able to go by the time I was a senior, something that I know I worked hard to contribute to, but cut to now, and I'm talking now, last 18 months since my daughter was born, Because I worked out, I was in good shape. I was healthy. I had personal trainers. I would go to the gym. I have a Bellaton. All the things. But there is something substantially different about actually forcing yourself to do things you didn't want to do. Not that you weren't capable of, but didn't want to do. And I've been with F 45 for about. My daughter was about six months when I really started working out hard. [00:40:10] Speaker A: Okay. [00:40:11] Speaker B: And I would go one day a week because that's what my schedule allowed, because I made the choice that one day a week was all my schedule allowed. So I want to be clear about that. But it worked for me to get started. And it wasn't until July when Campbell F 45 opened. And now I do lunch hour two days a week when I'm in Campbell, that I had a significant shift. So I am in better shape now than I ever was playing college ball, where I can actually look at myself and say I push myself regardless of who's watching me. [00:40:45] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:45] Speaker B: When we're at F 45, there's a bunch of people in there, but I don't do it for anybody else. But even little moments you were talking about, can you give more? You can give one more minute, 20 more minutes. I think something unique about some of the coaches at F 45. I know we're at all different locations, but I think it takes a very particular type of person that will say that won't even ask. They'll come up and they add weight to my bar. [00:41:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:12] Speaker B: And I'm looking at them like, oh, I don't know. And you realize after the set's over, you just did that. And for females, it was, I think, ingrained as me as a female. So not everybody, but for me, it was looking strong was a scary thing. [00:41:31] Speaker A: Totally. I don't think now people think that. [00:41:33] Speaker B: It'S crazy to me, and now I'm not trying to look a certain way as much as I am getting high on feeling a certain way, because I feel stronger than I ever have. But I also have so much more fun working out, and I am the person, like, I have a four day workout schedule. That works for me. That is my commitment to myself. I'm happy with it. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Yeah. And you can do that without avalanching. [00:41:57] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:41:57] Speaker A: I avalanche, correct. Yeah. Right. [00:41:59] Speaker B: But that's what I realize is I keep to my schedule my Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday. That works for me. And I don't make excuses for missing no it's Tuesday, Thursday. Nothing on my lunch hour. No, it's Friday morning. I'm going. It's Sunday. I'm taking off. And right now what I'm realizing is I don't feel guilty on the days I take rest. And I don't feel guilty when I'm away from my daughter because I'm spending time on me, because it makes me feel stronger. I hope that she can look at me in those moments and be like, my mother is strong. She is also fun, she's present, she's smart. Not just my mom just shows up for me because I think when for me, especially working full time, having a business, I didn't want her to think that I chose anything over spending time with her. I want her to look and see that I did these things. So when I spend time with her, I am 100% present. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Well. And teaching them that if there is something that brings you joy, that is obviously going to keep you healthy and happy. Right. We're not like, go do drugs. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:43:22] Speaker A: But you do it as a non negotiable and don't feel any way because what you choose to do as a human, don't worry about someone feeling neglected. That's them allowing themselves to feel neglected. Right. Someone said the other day to my girlfriend and I, you guys are so intimidating. This is just so intimidating. You guys were intimidating. We're like, oh, I'm so sorry to have to do this within 5 seconds of meeting you, but you're intimidated. We're not intimidating you, girl. You are feeling that way. We didn't do anything. No one's done anything. Again. Like the victim idea of allowing things to happen to you instead of creating it. So, yeah, I think that's amazing that your daughter's seeing you unapologetically do something that makes you a better person. And for some people, that's like painting cats on a teacup. Cool. Whatever floats your boat. Honestly, who cares? Like, whatever it is, petting goats. Great. Make that time for yourself. But putting some label on it, wondering what's everyone going to think about when they find out that this is what I'm doing? Who cares, right? I don't know. [00:44:42] Speaker B: No, I think it's an important conversation. There's so much content out in the world right now that shames moms for their choices outside of the home. Right. And for me, I never wanted kids. So my husband and I met, we had a conversation early on. I was like, hey, I don't want kids, okay? This is not in the cards for me. Never has been since I was, like, 16, I was like, that's never going to be me. And we agreed that was our life. We were planning a life, just the two of us, for a very long time. [00:45:16] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:17] Speaker B: For me, I went through a period where I got a little bit older. I lost my mother in law, which really had a significant impact on how I felt about family. [00:45:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:29] Speaker B: I didn't think of having a kid as filling a hole. That wasn't it. But I almost instantly, after losing her, because I was very close to my mother in law, she was very close to my family, my parents, and it was not an easy process. And I started having these kind of internal narratives, which is, I'm feeling a natural pull now that I never felt before. And so my husband and I had, like, a six month long conversation, like, hey, I think I've been thinking about this. I don't know if I've changed my mind. And obviously it was a shock to him, but we processed. We started talking about what it would be like and all of these things. And ultimately, I think it was, like, about a month after my mother in law passed away, I looked at my husband one day, and I just said, I want to have a child. This is it. And I think we were pregnant two months later. So I didn't have that early on, like, I have to be a mother mentality. I spent most of my life planning this, focusing on career. What does my life look like with just my husband? And so I was surprised. And maybe this is a way to demonstrate that. I think I set myself up for success. To be a working mother is. There was no life I ever envisioned once we decided to have a child where I wouldn't be working or going back to work pretty quickly, because this is what I've worked my entire life to do. I'm just supposed to shift that. And so coming back into that mom mentality is, I'm not going to feel guilty about going to work. I cannot feel guilty about doing something for myself. We are lucky to have full time, live in care, somebody that my child adores and learns differently from. [00:47:21] Speaker A: I think that's amazing that you can say that. [00:47:26] Speaker B: I don't know that I would have been able to say it about a year ago out loud. [00:47:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:33] Speaker B: I might have thought it because I made that promise to myself to get rid of that mom guilt mentality, because I think it's stupid. I think men don't get it. They never have. I think that it's. For me, work was the thing that I needed to be the best version of myself, pulling myself away from my family. So now that you have this business of your own and these goals, personal goals of your own, when you're spending time with your family, this is kind of what we were just talking about. When you're spending time with your family, do those other things pull you out of those moments? [00:48:16] Speaker A: I should probably be better about not allowing it to. But sometimes, yeah, sometimes I want to look at that or think about. I don't know. I was just about to say I should be sitting on the floor and playing with my kids. But I also want to stop myself by saying that and being like, but should I? Who is to say that? Maybe my husband and I sitting and talking about like, hey, what's this weekend going to look like? Do you want to go on a trail run with me? Should we go get a babysitter so we can go on a trail run? Maybe that's what we quote unquote, should do. Because my kids should hear me making a priority to spend time with my husband. Right. So I guess, I don't know. I just had this whole internal question to myself. [00:49:06] Speaker B: Well, I think it's hard, but I. [00:49:08] Speaker A: Get what you're saying. If you check one box for yourself of something that you want to do, it allows you to be more physically present and emotionally present when you are in whatever next activity it is. And it's hard. [00:49:21] Speaker B: It's hard to make that schedule a priority. And I just think kids are fine. [00:49:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:26] Speaker B: That doesn't mean you get to phone in. Being a parent, that's not the distinction. But kids, so many parents. I'm a divorce attorney and mediator, so I see this when they're talking about where the child should spend more time or the primary parent or whatever it is that the parents in this process choose to define themselves as. I always made a priority. I went to all the games. I was there. I was packing lunches. And I'm like, that's really impressive. That takes a lot of work. But I don't know for me if that translates into being the best parent. [00:50:06] Speaker A: No, I can actually speak to this. And it's so irrational and psychotic to say, but I say it because I'm so proud that I'm so on the opposite side of that. I actually believed when I had my daughter that she was going to die if I wasn't like her primary, if I wasn't there, I remember we would have events planned, like go to the city for someone's birthday. And if I felt like something was off, like, right before, I would be like, sorry, babe, you go, I'm staying. Something's wrong. What the hell? And I can say that's crazy now because I'm on the other side of it, but you could not have convinced me at that time. So I try and approach, when I do talk to moms or friends or whatever, I try and approach it like, I'm going to say stuff to you, but you're going to not hear it until you're ready to hear it. So this might be three years from now when you hear me, and I'm going to say it, and it could offend you, but I'm going to be okay with knowing that what I'm saying to you isn't offensive. You're taking it that way because it's stinging. Because I had a friend tell me that, too. She didn't have kids. She still actually doesn't have kids. She's always been into physical fitness. She's been a trainer. She's amazing and she's great. She'll tell you how it is. And I remember being on the phone with her one day and we were talking about working out, and again, I wasn't working out. And she said something along the lines of, like, no, I think I probably gave some Bs, like, I just don't have time. And she's like, no, Kendall, you have time. You're just choosing not to make it. And I was mad at the I again victim mentality. I would never be mad at that now. I'd be like, damn, girl, you're like, or whatever it is, but at the time, I chose to allow myself to be offended by that. She doesn't get. And you just go in this whole thing, right? She doesn't get it. She doesn't have a kid. She doesn't know what it's like. But she was right. Again, I didn't hear her until now, right? And then I look back, I'm like, she was right. I just wasn't ready to hear it. But again, being a martyr for my kid did nothing for her. And I wasn't that way for my son. And I think that he approaches things different, and I don't know if it's just because he's like, second child. He's watched her. He feels a little more comfortable running onto the soccer field and running in the class, but they couldn't be more different in how they approach certain things. With me, he doesn't care if I'm there or not. She is like, I need you to come to this playdate and stand in the corner and just watch me. I'm like, no, weirdo. I need to go. Like, I have shit to do. Go play with your friends. She's like, I just need to know that you're here. And then in my head, I'm like, I did this to her. I was the one that was living the life, convincing everyone that I did have to be there, like, wild. And again, I just wish that. I hope that anyone could hear that and be like, okay. So it is going to actually be okay. [00:53:11] Speaker B: Yeah. And again, parents that make that choice, that works for them, and that's amazing. Whatever works for you. I think the other side of this is not just general mom guilt, it's the mom shame of the choices that people make for me that doesn't resonate, right? And that's just for me. For me, my parents showed up to a lot. I don't remember them missing that much. But I also don't remember being mad when they missed. I don't remember being like, oh, my God, my parents aren't here. Nobody's watching me play this game, or nobody came. I don't remember that. You realize that good or bad, your parents decisions will impact you because we're never going to be the perfect parent that our children needs. Just like, we're never going to be the perfect partner. We're never going to be the perfect boss friend. We're never going to measure up to the standards that other people set for us. [00:54:08] Speaker A: You'll never be perfect and anything. Sorry, I hate to break it to. [00:54:11] Speaker B: Everyone who's striving for that. [00:54:14] Speaker A: Yeah, hate to break it to you, there will always be something more. One thing I was thinking about with career change, I was talking to my girlfriend about this, who was teaching before, and she also had a side hustle. And she's like, I just don't know, when do I make the plunge? Or anyone who's kind of talking about that. And I always say to them, what do you find yourself doing where time is passing by? And I'm not talking about scrolling on Instagram, right? That's something where we're like, oh, my gosh, an hour just passed. What the heck? But what are you finding yourself researching, doing with your spare time where you're like, wow, time passed, but magically, that was amazing. Maybe you need to listen to that a little bit in you and slowly start with a side hustle with that and then see how it goes. And then. Are you ready to make the leap? Go for it. Try it. [00:55:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:55:11] Speaker A: So don't be scared to try something else, and your kids are going to be fine, I promise. [00:55:17] Speaker B: So what are your goals for yourself? 2024? [00:55:20] Speaker A: 2024 is to be the man in the arena. I've been research or looking at that famous speech. If you have not read it, it's worth a read. It's not very long. The idea of put yourself out there and that kind of where it should end, put yourself out there and you should never question or look down on yourself of your performance because at least you were out there in the arena. You should never care about what someone else watching you has to say because f them, they're not in the arena with you. They didn't put themselves on the line and just put yourself in more uncomfortable situations. That's kind of my goal in 2024. Do more things that let you sit in that uncomfortable feeling and show yourself. Like we said, like little notches on your belt. Every time you do something like that. Choose hard so that the rest of your day is cake. Right. Whatever conversation coming in today, my friend, was like, are you so nervous? Why? I just feel that anything that happens in my day, I know I can tackle because I've already chosen to do something this morning that was so much harder than any conversation or any situation. Not any. I shouldn't say that, like catastrophic, obviously, whatever. But I know I can work through any situation, and that's just because every single day I have unconsciously shown myself that. So 2024, show up for more weird things, do things, try and see if we can make the world better in some kind of way. [00:57:03] Speaker B: Awesome. Well, I love that. I love that for you. I love that for me. I really appreciate you showing up today and chatting with me and sharing. I think I had a lot of fun. Hope you did. [00:57:14] Speaker A: I did. I'm very honored that you asked.